..Found My Happy..

​I am 33.  But I feel younger.  I look at my kids sometimes and think.. they can’t be mine!  I’m not old enough to have kids yet – let alone TWO of them.  I’M NOT READY!  ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!  Then I realize I AM old enough and they’re MY responsibility.  Scary stuff.  I’m molding them into the people they’re going to be and I don’t know about you, but that’s a lot of pressure on a person!  Don’t get me wrong, I love being a Mom!  It’s one of the greatest jobs I have and those little souls mean the world to me.  I just feel like a kid some days myself and feel loaded down by responsibility.. keeping a full time job, maintaining a house, paying bills, getting out of debt, saving for the future.. if I could tell my younger self anything, it would be to slow it down.  Don’t be too excited to grow up!  ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM AND INNOCENCE! The grass isn’t totally greener on the other side, it’s just another shade of brown, with different responsibilities, worries and fears.

I no longer worry about where we’re going to party at this weekend – now it’s, how am I going to pay for my car to be fixed?  Where am I getting the money for a new furnace?  Time to book the dog’s shots and our teeth cleanings.  Better budget for groceries this week.  Not exactly the same.

Obviously this change happens to everyone and you look back and long for those days again.. but I’ve also come to realize that things aren’t THAT bad.  I feel more secure with taking care of the kids in my 30s.  I felt completely unprepared in my 20s taking care of Sofia, and this time around it wasn’t as scary.   I feel more confidant in myself and no longer really care how I look and whether I have all the new and glittery things.  I do have what matters and that is what counts.
I’ve found my happy.  In my 20’s I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to be when I ‘grew up’.. I still am debating with this notion but I’m getting closer to finding it.  I create and I love it!  I still work a full time job but I’m able to do what I love on the side and it makes me happy.  Fills my heart with joy.  I’ve taught myself new things and it’s exciting!
While the future is still a little scary and I’m unsure what to expect, I feel better prepared for the journey.  My kids are just not allowed to grow older.  They must stay little and cute for a long time or at least until I’m ready.. and maybe feel old?

Mom, why do you keep saying to stop growing up?  I can’t.  I have to turn 7..

..Found My Happy..

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